


Loverboy

by NoOneExactly



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖), A particularly sassy shrunken head, Bisexual Lance, Fluff, Hanahaki Byou Disease, Hanahaki Disease, Hunk is very uncomfortable, Keith is shook, Klance (Voltron) - Freeform, Lance doesn’t know how gay he is, Lance is an accidental asshole, M/M, Some angst, Space dad at his finest, This is a Klance fic after all, Trans Male Pidge | Katie Holt, Weird space malls, but i mean, lance is oblivious, pansexual keith, pidge Knows all, why wouldn’t there be?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-05-26 14:05:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15002468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoOneExactly/pseuds/NoOneExactly
Summary: Keith never expected to fall in love with the person he hated the most; especially not to the point where his life was at risk.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Keith gets annoyed, shit goes down, and Lance is honestly just very confused.
> 
> Just a small note; this is mostly the traditional Hanahaki disease, but with my own little twist. Y’know, since it’s not exactly a traditional environment ;).
> 
> TW: Some blood and language

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Keith muttered nervously, glaring at the plate of goop sitting in front of him. Hunk had dragged everyone to yet another "weird space mall", as he called it, and their first stop had been the food court.

"Oh come on Keith! We've got to get to know what the locals like. For... y'know... public relations?"  
Keith rolled his eyes at Hunk's words. He knew that he just wanted to see if he could pick up any new recipes from this place. Like there would even be anything remotely edible, Keith thought annoyedly.

Shiro, Allura and Pidge had gone out to explore other parts of the mall, leaving Coran to man the castle and Hunk, Lance and himself to the food. 

"I, for one, think that it's great. Don't be such a Debby-downer, Keith," Lance said in between mouthfuls, practically stuffing the "food" into his mouth. Keith gagged at the sight.

"Geez Lance, can you at least try and remember to finish chewing before you talk? We want to make a good impression on the locals, not make them think we're animals," Keith gritted his teeth. Lance just ignored him, scooping another lump into his mouth.

"What is it, Keith? Am I embarrassing you?" He got close to Keith's face, making sure to chew as obnoxiously as possible. 

Keith looked around angrily, making sure no one had seen what Lance had just done.  
"S-stop it! You're setting a bad example!" 

"Not until you at least try some!" Lance exclaimed, raising his voice more than he needed to. Keith could already feel the dozens of gazes burning into the back of his skull. It took all of his will to not turn around.

"I-I'm gonna go get some more food. For... research," Hunk said quickly, sensing the tension rising between the two and hurrying off to another station.

Keith barely even noticed he was gone.  
"Fine! Fine!" He whisper-shouted, snatching the spoon from Lance's hands. He scooped a big glob out and shoved it in his mouth, gagging as he forced himself to swallow. After a moment, the flavor started to set it. It wasn't half bad. But he wasn't just about to admit he was wrong, especially not to Lance. Keith knew that, if he did, he'd never hear the end of it. Arrogant bastard.

"Now just for the love of all things holy, shut up for once. We are not getting kicked out of another mall because of you!" Keith threw the spoon on the table, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away from Lance's gaze. He almost looked hurt.

"Well quiznak, Keith, I was just joking around with you. You don't have to be so defensive about everything." Lance said, wiping the spoon off with a paper napkin, eyes on the table. There wasn't an ounce of regret in his voice of course; Lance would never admit that what he did wasn't exactly appropriate.

"I'm not defensive! And how many times does everyone have to tell you, you're using quiznak wron-" Keith's chest grew hot and his breath hitched as a painful cough suddenly escaped his lips. He cleared his throat. 

"Wr-" This time, a coughing fit suddenly came on, shaking his whole body. He tried his best to suppress it, but it eventually took over until he could barely breathe. Lance had completely dropped the spoon and napkin, and his eyes actually showed concern.

"Woah, you okay?" Lance reached over across the table, trying to grab his arm. Keith pulled away from his grasp, his eyes wide.

"I-I have to go," He said quickly, abruptly pushing himself up from his chair. It made a loud squeaking noise as he ran as fast as he could to the bathroom, his breathing weakening every second. Keith stumbled through the crowd, knocking people to a fro. He didn't even have time to apologize before he felt something sharp rise up his throat. Keith covered his mouth to force himself not to vomit and he practically slammed the bathroom door open, hurrying to a stall as fast as he could. As soon as he was in and the door was locked, he put his head above the toilet and began to retch, Hunk style. It seemed to never end, and it hurt, too, coming out in thick clumps.

Is this how I die? From eating some weird poisoned alien goop? Keith thought grimly. He knew he shouldn't have given into Lance's teasing.

After it had toned down, Keith wiped his mouth with his sleeve hastily. He held onto the seat, practically on his knees, his hair now hanging down as he glanced at the floor trying to gather his breath. 

The janitors are going to have a fuckload of work to do tonight, Keith thought guilty, not wanting to see the mess he'd made. What had been in that food, anyway? Was it actually poisoned? No, then Lance would've been affected too. Maybe he was just allergic to one of the ingredients.

Keith's eyes went wide again as a drop of crimson fell from his mouth, completely interrupting his thoughts. Then another, and another. He covered his mouth with his hand as another cough came over him. Scared of what he might see, Keith slowly lowered his hand.  
In his palm lay a single blue and white flower petal. It was soaked with what appeared to be... blood?

Keith stared down at it, horrified.  
"Oh fuck. Oh fuck," he muttered to himself, slowly getting louder as he continued, dread rising inside of him.

"No, this can't be happening. I must be dreaming."  
But the pain he felt as he keeled over with another coughing fit was definitely real. Petals and blood poured out of his mouth onto the floor uncontrollably, almost to the point where he couldn't breathe. 

"Fuck!" He yelled, slamming his fist of the bathroom floor, blood dripping from the sides of his mouth. 

Keith's heart practically skipped a beat as he heard the door open, hearing a voice that was all too familiar.

"Keith? Uh... you alright man?" Lance called out awkwardly, not knowing what he was expecting to hear.  
Keith scrambled to grab the flower petals from the ground and shove them in the toilet. 

"Oh, Lance, y-yeah, I'm fine," He managed to utter at a normal tone, trying his best to suppress the urge to cough again. Lance definitely couldn't know about this. If it was what Keith thought it was, he didn't know how the blue Paladin would react.

Lance stared down quizzically at the floor, just being able to see Keith's knees. Some smudges of red still laced the floor, but in the lighting they almost looked orange. Either way, Lance didn't want to know what it was. 

"Well... I'm going to... go back to the table now? I'm pretty sure Hunk is done getting more food or whatever," Lance said as he started to back out, pushing the door open and standing in the doorway for a moment.

"We're going to meet the others at the fountain. Come out when you're ready, I guess." He exclaimed quickly. The rush of footsteps and closing of the door told Keith that he was gone. 

Keith let out a strangled gasp as he attempted to get to his feet. A small cough when he stood up caused a single petal to flutter out of his mouth, and he catched it before it hit the floor, studying it intently. 

The flower was completely white for the most part, with vibrant blue streaks running down it's length. It was oddly beautiful, even in the tilted yellow lighting of the room.

He crushed it in his hand.

Keith had been told about this sort of thing before; by his father, in fact. What was it called, what was it called...

"I believe the word you're looking for is, 'Hanahaki', is it not?" 

A voice rang out from behind Keith, and he spun around, startled. He squinted at the door, wondering if what he was seeing was real.

Dangling precariously from the coat hanger by a thin thread was what appeared to be a... shrunken head?

"Okay, can this day get any weirder?" Keith muttered under his breath. "This has to be a hallucination or something."  
He rubbed his eyes, hoping that when he opened them it would be gone.

"Well excuse me, young man!" Keith opened his eyes, staring directly into what should've been the head's eyes. They were stitched closed, the skin having been stretched unnaturally. He shuddered at the sight.  
"Isn't it a bit rude to just ignore someone when they're trying to talk to you? Didn't anyone teach you to respect your elders?" The head snapped, swinging back and forth on the hook angrily.

Keith didn't know what to say.

Am I going insane?

"Um... sorry for asking, but... what are you? Why are you here?"  
Keith said, playing along with the head's game. Maybe if he gave it what it wanted, it would disappear or something.

If the head still had eyes, it would have been rolling them.  
"What does it look like? I'm a shrunken head, genius. It's not so hard to figure out. Regarding your other question..."  
It opened its mouth, spitting what looked like a pendant directly at Keith's face. He caught it before it could make impact, his heart racing. The head smiled mischievously.

"I'm here to help you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith reunites with the rest of the gang with an unexpected tag along...
> 
> **
> 
> Would just like to remind you that, in this fanfic, Pidge is a trans male, which means I will use he/him pronouns.
> 
> From now on I’m going to be updating once every two weeks. Sorry for the inconvenience! If I end up finishing one early, I’ll definitely publish it.

Keith pushed his way through the crowds of people flooding the floors of the mall, crossing his arms over his chest awkwardly as he walked.

"Hey! Don't forget that I'm in here, boy!"

Keith jumped, startled.   
Right.   
For a moment, he'd almost forgotten.

"Damn, do you ever wash this jacket? It smells like a donkey's ass in here—"

"Be quiet!" Keith hissed, nudging the head to a different position under his jacket.  
"You were the one who wanted to come with me, so you have to face the consequences. You should've known what you got into."  
Keith tried not to sound offended by the head's comment. He'd thought that he kept the jacket in pretty nice condition, washing it pretty often. He cautiously brought his head down to sniff the collar, recoiling in disgust. It smelled overwhelmingly metallic, probably because of all of the blood, but hidden underneath were a plethora of smells he couldn't even identify. Maybe he should spend a bit more time taking care of it.  
Suddenly, the head started to grow smaller and smaller, until it must've been at least the size of his palm. It fell out of his jacket and to the ground. Keith scrambled to grab it before it brought attention to itself. It wriggled around in his hand as it spoke, smiling deformed ear to ear.

"Neat trick, huh? Way easier than shoving me in that jacket of yours," it said proudly. It almost looked like a keychain now, the string  making it just a bit more convincing.

"That would've made it way easier to get out of the bathroom, y'know. You know how many weird looks I got in there because of a huge bulge on my chest?"

Keith could almost feel the annoyance rising from the head, but it went quiet, muttering a few things under it's breath. Something about the olden days or whatever. He tucked it into his left satchel, making sure it was secure enough that it wouldn't fall out.

The fountain was on the other side of the mall; who knows why the other Paladins had wanted to meet up there. It was practically the hardest place to get to, too, with merchants and trading shops surrounding it in a full circle. If you weren't careful, you could be dragged in by one of the shopkeepers, and they wouldn't let you leave until you bought something; at that point, chances of escape are pretty slim.

Pushing through a final corner, Keith finally made it to the fountain.  
Pidge was standing right in front of it, surrounded by at least 5 huge bags. He was talking giddily with Hunk, excitedly pulling what looked like some sort of console from one of the bags. Hunk just gazed down at it in awe as they shouted excitedly at each other.  
They really are just kids. At heart, anyway, Keith thought, standing still in the middle of the crowd.

Shiro and Allura were sitting on the right side of the fountain, making small talk. Allura glanced over at Keith, smiling.

"Keith! There you are! We were worried sick,"  
Everyone turned to look at him as he awkwardly walked over to the rest of the Paladins. He could feel the blush burning on his cheeks.

Shiro was the first to approach him.  
"Are you alright Keith? Lance was saying that you got pretty sick. Said you were barfing Hunk-style." Shuro laughed a bit at the last part.

Keith nodded, contemplating what his reply should be. He didn't want to lie to Shiro, but he couldn't tell him what was happening; then the whole crew would know within the hour.

"Yeah, uh... Just a weird reaction, I guess. You never know what you could be allergic to, with all of the weird ingredients they put in that food." Keith said, rubbing the back of his head with his hand in embarrassment.

"Well, make sure to be more careful next time. We can't go losing you, now could we?"  
Shiro's eyes seemed to gleam protectively at the last bit.

"I-I'll try," Keith said uncomfortably.   
Yeah... Shiro definitely can't know.

He felt a light tap on his shoulder, and turned to see Lance himself standing behind him. He looked even more uncomfortable than Keith.

"So... you're good, right? Not that I was worried or anything. Just wouldn't want me getting you sick screw over the whole team, y'know?" Lance muttered, sounding incredibly awkward.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Keith reassured him. He was already struggling to suppress his urge to cough, feeling the petals inch up his throat with every breath he took.   
"I didn't know you guys cared so much. It was just a little reaction, I swear." He tried to smile reassuringly at them when Pidge came practically rushing over.

"Keith! Wanna see what me and Hunk got? This mall is loaded!" He said, spinning around excitedly.

"You'll have plenty of time to show Keith everything you impulse-bought back in the ship," Shiro butted in before Keith could respond.

"Hey!" Pidge yelled, his attitude changing almost instantly. Shiro laughed and ruffled Pidge's hair playfully.

"Shiro's right," Allura said, making her way closer to the group.  
"You have training early tomorrow. You all deserve a rest."

***

Keith groaned, heaving all of Pidge's bags behind him. Where did he even get all of the money to buy this stuff with? Most of it was just souvenirs or weird space video games in a completely different language that not even Allura could understand. 

As they were heading out, Lance grabbed Keith by the arm, his bright blue eyes drilling into his.  
"Hey, uh, can we talk?"

Keith gulped, a tingling sensation shooting up his spine from the boy's touch. Time stopped as    his heart sped up and his throat grew dry, the choking feeling from the bathroom returning almost instantly, except there weren't any petals.  
W...what is this?  
Keith thought, finding himself unable to move. Was this what the head had been talking about? 

A sudden voice from ahead of them startled Keith out of his thoughts.

"Are you guys coming or what?" Shiro said impatiently. The rest of the Paladins had stopped to look at them, which made Keith's cheeks burn yet again. He hated being the center of attention.

"We'll be there in a second. Lance and I just need to have a little... talk," Keith said, trying to make himself sound as irritated as possible. The other Paladins would probably get suspicious of them if he told the truth, so it was best if they just thought he'd gotten into some sort of beef with Lance or something.

"Can't you wait until we get to the ship—" Pidge started, but, before he could finish, the two were already gone. He looked quizzically in the direction they had disappeared. 

Are they... hiding something? Pidge thought to himself, already thinking up all of the scandalous things that could be happening between the two. He giggled to himself.

"We'll just wait for them in the castle, then," Shiro said, motioning for everyone to continue following him and Allura.

Hunk grabbed Pidge's bags, now discarded on the floor, and heaved them over his back, snapping Pidge back to reality.

He'd have to keep a close eye on those two. Who knew what sort of trouble they could get themselves in to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m working on the next chapter now, so maybe you’ll get it earlier! As always, hope you enjoy this chapter. I was struck with a bit of writers block in the middle so I actually cut this chapter into two parts.
> 
> See you in the next one!
> 
> -Leto

**Author's Note:**

> This was just a little introduction to the horrors to come...  
> A lot of these chapters will be pretty short.
> 
> Next update will be next week, possibly sooner.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> -Leto


End file.
